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Weigh Ins

So I thought that my twitter updates were updating my journal but I guess not! I wonder if there is an app for Live Journal... oh you know there has to be.

So far the weight loss is going well. The first week I lost 3lbs and this past week I lost 2lbs. So I am down 5lbs since the 1st of the year.

I have been making youtube videos on my channel...


as well as updating my new Twitter Account special for my Journey...


I will try to keep updating here as well.

Hope everyone is doing good.

Christmas is Over

Hope everyone had a wonderful Holiday season. I know we still have New Years to go, but I have the time to write this now.

Since the summer when Gary and I decided to wait to have children, I have sort of let myself go. I found an excuse not to eat healthy and concentrate on my weight loss and that is not good. Gary was the same way though and we have both gained weight. We are both feeling pretty yucky about ourselves right now.

And because of the weight gain, my anxiety is starting to return. :-(
I have been SSRI free since my birthday (Feb. 7) of this past year. And I told myself that I learned enough on the medication to go through life without needing the drug anymore, and I would find natural remedies for my Anxiety. Well I have not been doing those either.

Gary and I talked about this and we are both ready to lose weight and get into the healthy lifestyle that we need. We are both unhappy with our bodies right now and that is not good for our relationship.

Gary got us a new pantry for Christmas. I plan on going home this weekend and cleaning out the fridge/cabinets and finding all those bad things we eat and getting rid of them.

I am going to get out all my healthy eating cookbooks and bookmark recipes, make menus for dinner and write out everything I eat. I am going to walk the dog. I am going to go to the gym on my lunch breaks again.

I know how to lose weight. I have done it before. But now I need to do it for real.

I have always been overweight. Gary has not. And not my unhealthy lifestyle is interfering with his and he is gaining weight as well.

I didn't lose the weight for my wedding like I wanted to. But I told myself we would not try to have kids until I was at a healthy BMI. And although it is still a very distant thought in my mind, it is going to take me a while to lose the weight.

I will be blogging here and vlogging on my youtube channel, UsPlusOne. If anyone wants to check out my videos, you are more than welcome.

Writer's Block: Take the pain away

If you could say anything you want to the person who has hurt you most in life, what would it be? Did you ever confront them? Why or why not?

I had a friend in high school. We had a good time for awhile but then her family started making some good money and she got way spoiled. She got caught up in trying to be popular and turned into a mean person. She would bring other people down to bring herself up. At the time I let her comments really bother me and get to me. After high school I thought about her all the time and compared my life to hers even though we were on two different paths and I was well on my way to all my goals and she wasn't. But was she skinnier than me? Was she prettier than me?

Silly stuff that mattered to a teenage girl with insecurities.

But now I am older and wiser. And I know that the reason this girl acted the way she did was because she has many insecurities of her own. I feel bad that she chose to be mean and lose a lot of friendships in her journey to be cool.

If I could say anything to her, it would be that I understand what she was going through. I forgive her for being mean to me because I know she was just unhappy with herself and she probably envied me so she took out her unhappiness on me. Trying to bring me down to bring herself up. I would tell her that I wish she would have been nicer though because then maybe we could still be friends. Maybe she could still have a lot of the friends that she has lost. But that is a lesson she has to learn herself and not from me. I feel bad for her and I hope that she figures out this lesson soon before its too late.

Another person who has hurt me almost as much as the girl from High School is my dad. When he and my mom divorced he left my brother and I and did not try to contact us. My brother and I were so hurt and felt like he didn't love us. Even a call or a letter would have been better than being ignored.

I tracked him down online and eventually got him to email me. And the firs thing he said was, "Did your mom put you up to this?". I was so hurt. I couldn't believe that this man who I idolized for so long was thinking that I didn't love him and was being sneaky for my mom. I emailed back and told him how my brother and I missed him and were always thinking about him. We emailed back and forth for a few years and eventually we went and saw my dad in person. It had been a few years since I had seen him and I got to know him on a different level. I was older and again wiser. I looked at him as a human and not a hero. And I realized that him and my mother are so different. I saw him in his new life and realized that the divorce was a good thing. Even if at the time it really bothered me and broke my brother and mine's heart, it was for the best. They were unhappy together and that was making an unhappy home. I saw him one other time after that visit where he met my then boyfriend. He approved of Gary and it was a great visit. I thought that there would be more visits but I have not seen him since that day and the emails have been very short lived.

I got married last year to that boyfriend my dad had met. And my dad was not there at my wedding. He made up an excuse about helping his new girlfriend move or something. I don't know. But deep down it doesn't matter. He didn't want to see my mom, so he made up an excuse. I have proof that he was on the internet on that day, not helping someone move. I have forgiven him for all he has done. I just wish that he would see that his divorce from my mom was not just about him and her, but about my brother and I too. I want him to forget about my mom and think about my brother and I. But he can't seem to do that. And that is fine. At this point I really feel like it is his loss. My brother and I are just beginning our lives as adults and it's exciting. If he doesn't want to be a part of that, he will be missing out on a lot. He will have grandchildren in the next couple years and it makes me sad that he might not be in their lives.

I miss my dad. But I have a nice life with my husband. I have a great relationship with my mother and I love my brother to death. I really think that the divorce brought my brother and I closer.

I am not hurt by the divorce, I am hurt by my dad's actions after the divorce. But like I said, I forgive him. And I am here if he wants to reach out and get in contact with me as all of my emails to him in the last year have not been responded to. I have done all I can do, and now the ball is in his court. It is up to him if he wants to be in my life.

Writer's Block: Yes, offense taken

If a friend or relative makes a racist or homophobic remark, do you tend to confront them or let it slide? Are you more likely to confront them if it offends you directly or someone else who seems reluctant to speak up?

It really depends on who the person is. If it is a close friend, I def. say something. Even if I know they are joking, it's not funny to me. They know that I am married to a black man and that I am very supportive of the gay community. If it is someone I am just acquainted with, or I don't want to fight with this person for some reason or another. Like at my work, I have an issue with a few of my co workers, yet I keep my mouth shut because we are in a recession and I dont want to lose my job or get anyone fired. I dont want it to be weird at work, so I just listen. I usually will tell them that I don't agree or whatever in a nice way. And I learn things about the person speaking. I have learned so much about the women at my work just by listening and observing.
"You May Say Im a Dreamer
But I'm Not the Only One
I Hope Someday You'll Join Us
And the World will Live as One"
-Happy Birthday John Lennon
Sign I made with forest stickers for my classroom door
http://ping.fm/p/0aejF - Sign I made with forest stickers for my classroom door

Oct. 7th, 2009

All the lights are out in the parking lot at Old Navy, this is creepy.
Is in Love with the cool Fall weather we are having!
Why is it that the people with the crappiest cars are the ones who use The Club... Hello! No one wants to steal your P.O.S.